Obituary
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of"Common Sense" Common Sense lived a long life but died in theUnited States from heart failure on the brink of the newmillennium. No one really knows how old he was, since his birthrecords were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals,homes, factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare andfoolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolouslawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited withcultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out ofthe rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn'talways fair.Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don'tspend more than you! earn), reliable parenting strategies (theadults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come insecond.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the GreatDepression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sensesurvived cultural and educational trends including body piercing,whole language, and "new math." But his health declined when hebecame infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for theravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations. Hewatched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seekinglawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlesslyimplemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-oldboy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, ateen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and ateacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsenedhis condition.It declined even further when schools had to get parental consentto administer aspirin to a student but could not inform theparent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the TenCommandments became contraband, churches became businesses,criminals received better treatment than victims, and federaljudges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts toprofessional sports. Finally, when a woman, too stupid to realizethat a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a hugesettlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic butwas kept informed of developments regarding questionableregulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs,and stepladders.Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth andTrust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; andhis son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights,and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so fewrealized he was gone.
--Obituary author unknown.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the GreatDepression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sensesurvived cultural and educational trends including body piercing,whole language, and "new math." But his health declined when hebecame infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for theravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations. Hewatched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seekinglawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlesslyimplemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-oldboy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, ateen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and ateacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsenedhis condition.It declined even further when schools had to get parental consentto administer aspirin to a student but could not inform theparent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the TenCommandments became contraband, churches became businesses,criminals received better treatment than victims, and federaljudges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts toprofessional sports. Finally, when a woman, too stupid to realizethat a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a hugesettlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic butwas kept informed of developments regarding questionableregulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs,and stepladders.Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth andTrust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; andhis son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights,and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so fewrealized he was gone.
--Obituary author unknown.
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